JESUS THE BARTENDER –

According to the Gospel, by earthly profession Jesus was not a carpenter, but a BARTENDER.
“Now on the last and greatest day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink!’ “
John:7:37

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JESUS THE BARTENDER

According to the Gospel, by earthly profession Jesus was not a carpenter, but a BARTENDER.
“Now on the last and greatest day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, ‘If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink!’ “
John:7:37

The etymology insists that the word bartender has a typo,it should be bartenger and it agrees with the name of Barabbas. Where Bar=Son, Abbas=Father. In Bartenger, Bar=Son,Tenger=Sumerian Dingir=God.

John the Baptist of the baptizing movement,was an ascetic prophet, but not Jesus.
“The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ But wisdom is justified by her children.”Matthew:11:19

Jesus confessed in the Gospel, that “For John the Baptist came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, ‘He has a demon.’ The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’
Matthew 11:18-19

A bartender is a bartender. Jesus on the cross declared that he was thirsty,as always, but also as begging his peers to fulfill his last wish.
‘After this Jesus, seeing that all things were now finished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, said,’ “I am thirsty.”John 19:28

Jesus turned the water into wine at the wedding in Cana, for his drunkard mom demanded wine, saying, they have no wine left. His students praised the miracle as insane. He said, this is nothing, then he farted into the wine, and the champagne was born.

Jesus the Gluttonous, once, ate too much vanilla cake. After that, what he farted, smelled like vanilla. It was mesmerizing, so he kept farting.
However, a small sudden stormy wind swept the vanilla farts away. Jesus Cried to the wind: stop blowing, and it stopped. Thus, he kept farting.

Jesus the Farts Master was proud of the diversity of his disciples. Peter’s farts smelled like fish. Andrew’s like scotch. John’s like burnt oil. James’ like battered melone. Thomas’like Thai(Siam)soup. Philip’s like a screwdriver. Nathanael’s like evaporated sweat. Judas’ like bad breath.

Old joke: Two tele-evangelists argued, an older and a younger one, that who among them is Jesus. As they were not able to settle this in a fist fight, so they went to the local bar owned by Barney Stinson. The bartender scolded the older one,yelling at him: Jesus, you are here again!

Jesus had the desperate urge to dump. According to the Law of Moses, he left the camp to bury his excrement. Apostate Peter secretly followed him, and he put a stone over the grave of the dump, reciting the prayer of Holy Shit.

Jesus scratched his head, then his balls. The apostles thought, this was odd. Jesus read them and said, it is not odd, it is the almighty lice. Let’s send the lice to the dogs. They will suffer, but either they or us. The dogs ran into the river. That is how Baptism was invented.

Because a bartender is always a bartender.